just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
