you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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