Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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