i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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