so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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