OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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