garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
