This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
