i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want her autograph on my taint
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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