I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
