i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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