Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
