U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
