im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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