he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
