in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
