threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think your dad took our porno
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
