I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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