I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
