it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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