Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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