Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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