Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
