her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
