I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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