My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
