Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
