I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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