i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
