I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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