i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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