I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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