So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
