Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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