the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
