I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
