The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
