Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
