nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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