1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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