Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
