That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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