im about as happy as oj after his trial
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
