it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The air was thick with penises
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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