Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize