I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
