3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
