So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
