Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
