If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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