I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
