But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
