he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
