you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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