You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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