PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
