I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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