She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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