If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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