Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
