Only a mothe r could love this liver
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
