Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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