I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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