Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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