White coat. Heels.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
