Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
