my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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