god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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