So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
