He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
