What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
