I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
