I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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