I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
